Achieving : A Vision Clear like Water

There have been many challenges these past few months. Circumstances have come down on me heavily. Due to my naïve assumptions, and possibly taking on more then I could chew I have felt the full financial and emotional grunt of my actions. It would be a terrible waste not to walk away from this time a wiser man.

I do the only thing I feel it is within my power to do; be patient, and learn as much as I can.

Its something I have learned in these past few days that I now want to share. Partially to spread awareness, but partially to further crystallize the concept to myself. Nothing terribly profound I’m afraid… just a basic concept that we are all aware of.





















“WITHOUT A VISION; THE PEOPLE PERISH”

Strait out of the bible yo!

Something that I noticed while shuffling around (getting no results or progress) was that the actions I was taking felt very lame and without purpose. This lead to predictably negative results and the spiral continued.



I didn’t know what I wanted →

→ I took ineffective action → I got negative results → I started to believe my actions would not succeed before even attempting → I took ineffective action…. etc etc

Eventually I had a hard time justifying anything except feeling sorry for myself and giving up. This all lead to a score of old negative habits to creep back. I started reacting to people and events. I became worried with what people thought about me. With what would happen to me. I became fearful of living again.

The reason I say ‘again’ is because for a long time in my life I felt very stifled with fear. The reason I couldn’t act the way I wanted, do the things I wanted was because I was fearful of consequences.

The results of an unobserved and thus uncontrolled mind.

I hear a lot of mysticism around the area of manifesting through vision. There is a lot of voodoo in this area, and partially this can be a good thing I think. There are few greater marketing tools then a good veil of mysticism.

On the other hand, mysticism can often be misunderstood. What’s worse it can be misused by people wanting to use it for their own ends. True understanding of these concepts comes through experience. At this point in my life I believe harsh experiences are the greatest teachers, but that could just be a negative worldview I have developed.

Manifestation is another word I particularly think gets tossed around without thought. The word seems to suggest events and things condense into existence via a puff of rainbow colored smoke and unicorn joy. It’s an simple answer for people that don’t want an answer.

The term Life Hack comes to mind. Lets find a cheat!

Never mind the hard work and shedding of illusions that it takes to realize a vision.

The reasons basic concepts like the one stated above have become so widespread is because they apply to all experiences and journeys. Not just to attempting to excel at sports, or music. The basics seem to have little or no meaning sometimes. It is because their meaning and wisdom becomes glaringly obvious when one has stepped up to the task of creating something.

Finding your vision is hard. It was for me. Facing the fact that you don’t know what you want is a scary thought. I think we have been told what to want for so long that that vision making muscle has atrophied considerably. What’s even scarier is the realization that once you have a completely clear vision of what you want, you are going to have to walk through purging fire to obtain it.

Maybe its just easier to stay where you are.

Maybe…?

Everyone is free to do what they want, and not be judged for it. The only sin is the wasting of potential. Not creating what can be created in exchange for meager comforts is the saddest thing of all. I see people around me that have had a glance at their vision, but have denied it. Slowly it breaks most of them. It eats at them until they find a way to distract themselves. TV, eating, pointless tasks, sex and drugs. They find importance in things that are not important. The longer one faces away from it, that harder it becomes to return to it.

To wrap this up and restate my point; action without vision is wasted action. Without seeing what you want, believing you can have it, the best thing you can do is hope that it will magically manifest.

But if you truly understand the manifestation process, then man the fucking plow and start a journey of incredible highs, and soul braking lows!

Or you can hope to win the lottery…

Good luck with that!=)

Online Journals

Its hard to keep motivated when updating this thing.

I Journal meticulously on paper.

For some reason it feels more real then this digital online journal. The only advantage I see in Internet blogging is the sharing of my thoughts with other people.

Withering

My focus has been dead wrong the past few days, possibly weeks. If I would have to name the feeling I would call it “Withering”. Aimless wondering about which has been leading to less and less enthusiasm for action.

In turn “less-and-less” action has lead to a feeling of powerlessness and negativity. I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

I am of course a person of many shades, and I have also been experiencing some amazing things these few weeks, but I need to find the root of why I’m loosing my enthusiasm.

I have stopped growing, and if your not growing, you are by nature withering.

Not to go on and on to much about it, but basically I have decided to retake my focus, and start growing again. What I miss the most is the enthusiasm for life that I had at the end of the last summer.

I set up some daily habits that will be unaffected by what ever circumstances occur around me.

• Cold shower right after I get up, followed by 15 of meditation. Then some me time while preparing and eating breakfast.
• Increase my time studying French to 30 min.
• Plan + Execute strategies for ombok. This can take as much time as I feel is productive in investing.
• Apply for at least 1 new job per day. Possibly follow up on pending applications.
• Work out every other day.
• Read/study random material for at least 1 hour. Currently this ranges from Physics/programming/drawing or business.
• Hang out with a friend.

I get the very real feeling that I’m sitting around waiting for things to start. That is literally one of the worst feelings I can imagine and a real warning sine that something’s got to change. A life should not be lived in vain.

The Way of the Sage; Patience and Acceptance

The more I try to achieve, the more life seems to school me in the art of acceptance. Showing me that I don't really have the measure of control that I thought I had. The fact of the matter is that a lot of the events around me are circumstances beyond my control. Certainly not beyond my influence, but definitely beyond my control.

In realizing this, focus that I have previously spent on things such as, how other people react to me, how good I stack up the person beside me, or what kind of results I get for my efforts, now shift to my actions. More specifically, my actions, and my internal perception of those actions.

Most people would argue that perception is an objective thing, but I sincerely beg to differ.

What I now see more and more is that the pay out for quality of action always comes back to me, if not at first, certainly at a later time. This has made me realize another dimension of achieving real success. That dimension is time. The realization that time is the buffer that is needed to make any actions really stick to reality has developed into a greater patience.

I wouldn’t all myself the most patient person in the world, but with a deeper understanding, I can apply it more effectively.

A huge mistake that I have often made in the past is to look around me and ask “Why are things this way?” and then expend energy on all that I see that I perceive as a negative. The last thing that people want to do is accept a negative. It lies in human nature to resist, internally and or externally.

This lead to a further realization that success or change is not achieved, it is grown into. Becoming something new by doing something was the old way of thinking. Though process 2.0 is I set the course for what I want, and begin the growing process.



Something I would urge people to consider before they set aside the principle of accepting current circumstances;

If the world around you is shit, realize that the person you are right now is part of that world. Unless you let go of who you are (the act of acceptance) and let go of all the negativity circumstances are generating within you, you are going to continue being part of that world.

Take responsibility for the only real thing you can control, your focus and your actions right now.

Identity v2.0

For those of you that know me or follow the blog, then you might be aware that I have recently dropped out of school. Initially it was to do some stuff I have always been day dreaming about, but as of late its turned into a spiritual odyssey into who I am.



Well maybe not quite so dramatic but hey…. Always fun to make things a bit cooler then they are.

Before I get to what I want to talk about I want you to read this. A awesome insight by a guy called Owen Cook about your personal image and its use.



‘Identity is the mental image you have of yourself that relates you to and separates you from the rest of society 8[your environment]

Slight paraphrase…..

On to what I have to say; I realized that my personal identity has become incredibly week. Not in the sense that I am going through a crisis where I don't know who I am, but more in the fact that all the things I have identified with throughout my life have been pulled out.



Its like a plant being unearthed. Imagine the roots hanging in mid air, dangling, looking for something to latch on to. Well thats pretty much how my sense of self is feeling right now.

I’m going to briefly talk about the unimportant effects of this, rather small observations I have made.

I find it hard to talk with people…. Specifically new people I meet. For those of you that don't know I am incredibly fond of heading out to a bar or club and just being super social with everyone!

Its something I have done for years. Back when I started doing it, the focus was to get over any nervous hang-ups or social blind spots I had with girls. Slowly this weekly hobby of meeting girls evolved into a broader spectrum where it became more about meeting, and interacting with people in general. Through my interactions with others it became a way for me to learn more about myself. More so then I think most people (I assume)

I have had to deal with a lot of issues over my developing social skills.

Shyness, in authenticity, qualifying myself to other people, handling “troublesome” people, connecting with people, becoming unaffected by other peoples views/opinions/responses etc etc etc


To most it might seem strange that I would go out and actively learn things that most people take for granted, but I made my decision, and I’m all the happier about it.

Lately I find myself walking around a social gathering, enjoying myself, when I decided to walk over and engage others.

After I greet them I realize……. I have absolutely nothing to say. Or rather, it’s hard for me to imagine communalities with another person. A lot of times I just end up standing there after my greeting…. just not saying anything…. Yeah, its pretty awkward.

Now, this is something that struck me today, so I haven’t really contemplated it for to long, This, not having anything to say is something I have not experienced for a very long time, and I believe its related to the fact that all my identity reference points have been pulled from under me. This is new territory, and we’ll see where it takes me.



On the other hand what I feel is the super positive aspect of all this, is that I have a chance to really consciously decide where my “roots” are going to be grounding themselves.
This is harder then it seems. At least it is for me, and it has been for people that I know that have uprooted themselves in a similar manner. Cementing an identity takes discipline, structure, and a system. It takes an ability to endure humiliation while trying out new things to gain new reference points.

One more time;

Success in new endeavors greatly depends on ones ability to endure humiliation.


We’ll see

The Routine-less Void

It’s been a few weeks now. No school, no job, no obligations. I could tell you I’m bored, that I feel like I’m wasting my time, or that I’m procrastinating…. But I would be lying to you. Fuck ,there is something incredibly liberating about not having anything to do.

I will admit that it’s harder to get my ass in gear for tedious task that have to be done on a day to day basis, but I can live with that.

List of tedious day-to-day tasks:
• Getting out of bed
• Getting dressed
• Getting my ass out of the apartment



It could be that I’m just projecting my own biases onto the world (and in all likelihood it is), but I feel judged letting people know about this. I feel that not doing something, achieving, moving towards a goal is a dirty thing. Like I should feel ashamed of it. That I’m just, as one of my friends so eloquently put it; masturbating my life away.

I believe in balance, and there is a time and place to take massive action and push through your comfort zones. Then there is a time for rest and relaxation, just enjoying what you have and re-charging the batteries. But if you can’t feel good about yourself without “doing” things to somehow enhance your own image of yourself, then there is a serious problem in your view of the yourself/the world.

People always debate; “If I always felt good, I would never do anything. My dissatisfaction motivates me!”

I tend to be fairly open minded, and I try my hardest to cultivate empathy for people around me, but in my opinion (this is my blog), this is complete bullshit. Mental garbage in the highest degree. A way unhappy people make meaning of their sad day-to-day existence.

“Its ok, I’ll just be unhappy and motivated now, and then one day I’ll have a happy ending!”



Let me ask you this, when do you tend to be the most motivated, take the most risks of trying new things, most creative, and most bold in action? When your depressed and feeling like the whole world is out to get you, or when your feeling good, really trusting yourself, and having enough self confidence to just enjoy experiencing the world instead of micromanaging how your going to “change” your circumstances.

I always identified with being the underdog. The guy who against all odds struggles to the top… I always had the motivation cause I had to change the way things were. If this isn’t a wasted life then I don't know what is.



To keep some sort of structure on my daily life, I started implementing baby steps in the things I don't want to completely neglect. Since I don't go to the gym anymore I work calisthenics. I find it difficult to get myself to do it every day, so as an experiment I have lowered my threshold of what I have to do.

Body:
30 push ups
50 sit ups
Hand stands for 2 minutes

Meditation for 10 min

Stretching my legs 4x15 sec

To keep my mind from deteriorating I make sure to read a set amount each day;

Steven Hawkins’s A Brief History of Time
Joseph Helle’s Catch-22

No TV. TV is for people who do stuff with their life. I limit my time on the Internet as much as I can. Other then that I spend my time just enjoying very simple pleasures, and hanging out with friends. Laying in my bed thinking about… well not really thinking about anything. Good thing my dad dosn’t read this blog, he would flip a shit.



The site I been working on since APRIL is finally finished and ready for official announcement to the wavering masses! Its not perfect, but good enough is good enough, and I’m certain it will be a useful tool to allot of people at my university.

www.ombok.se

I’m trying not to develop some sort of identity around this whole thing. It should always be about solving a problem, not getting some superficial high from succeeding.

We have printed up some awesome posters (also not the exact way I pictured them, but again, good enough is good enough) that we are going to be distributing around campus. I’m going to get in touch with the secretaries of the majors at our university and see if I can send a mass email to all the students announcing our site.



And I guess I’ll make a facebook group or an event about it. What eve……

As for my big plans of adventures in Norway this year, I have to put them on ice until the end of October. Seems I’m going on a vacation with my family to Thailand. Going to be nice to get some sun and all that.

Looking for schools in France where I can spend some time studying French for a trimester.

I’m enjoying the down time as much as I can , we’ll see how long it lasts.

Picking up where I left off

New phases of life has begun. For the first time, in what seems to be a life time, I am really free of obstructions. I don't have a job, am not going to school; don't have anything tying me down concretely. On top of that the increasingly heavy mental burden of having unfinished exams has now been lifted. This past summer 2009, I have passed 3 major exams that I had dragging along my academic career. This is the first time since the beginning of my college career that I have cleared all exams. It’s an extremely liberating situation.


Breakfast celebration after passing my Orgo Chem exam 2006













Now comes a new adventure. I’m going to try to make my way in life in an entirely new way. Going to make some money, do some traveling, try some interesting new things, and hopefully learn more about who I am as a person then I ever have!

Success is a simple matter of win or lose in each situation.

I’m going to have to make a schedule of my daily routines. The temptation of just picking up a PS3 and chilling out for the next 2 months is to high. I’m going to need allot of rules now in the beginning to form some sort of routines. Ultimately, rules that restrict options create a life of independence, and independence leads to freedom.

As far as I’m concerned, until the ball starts rolling, I’m in prison. This is not a year off from school; this is more like a year on my life…. If that makes any sense. Hopefully I’ll have the urge to post more regularly to keep track of my progress.




















Breakfast celebration after passing my final left over exam Bio Stata 2009


Cheers